How Gross is it Really… To Kiss My Dog? As an emotionally-unavailable 42-year-old man, kissing a male hound-mix mutt seemed about as likely as a Trump-Harris ticket, but in true nutty fashion, 2020 brought me a new baby boy and a whole new me. All of a sudden this buttoned up accountant transformed into a lip-smooching, baby-talking dog dad.
But now, eight months in (and another tragic, astounding COVID surge), I recently got to thinking: How gross is it really to kiss my dog on the lips?
It started with murmurs that you could potentially contract – or worse, transmit – COVID with pet contact. But caution fatigue set in, and I quickly resumed my morning, noon, and night bouche-bouche with Beau. But then, I don’t know – maybe the pandemic messed with my head, I became a hypochondriac, or worst of all, was my affection waning? But I started to wonder if I needed to rein it in a bit with the kisses. So I went to experts Dr. Google and Dr. WebMD and did some research:
“I love to kiss my dog”, 6 takeaways:
Takeaway 1: Foreign matter.
Dogs have about the same amount of bacteria in their mouths as humans do (400-500 bacteria, FYI). Problem is, it’s just not the same bacteria, leaving our immune systems wondering what in the world to do and vulnerable to infection.
According to Dr. Floyd Dewhirst, bacterial geneticist at the Forsyth Institute and professor of oral medicine at Harvard, “ If you look at humans and dogs, we only saw about 15 percent [of the bacteria] that are the same species,” he says. So, without much overlap, our immune systems and native bacteria can’t spring to action and fight the foreign bacteria.
Takeaway 2: Whoa, that’s kinda scary.
While it’s highly unlikely to get sick, the rare extreme cases are not for the faint of heart. Septic shock and amputations, flesh-eating bacteria and comas, severe diarrhea? Moreover, most of the bad stuff comes from well, poop particles in their saliva. Love you Beau, but below the neck cuddles may have to do.
Another famous, and former White House resident, Bo, reportedly has to forego the kisses too. “I still don’t let Sunny and Bo lick me, because when I walk them on the side lawn, some of the things I see them picking up and chewing on, I don’t want that, man,” said dad.
Takeaway 3: You’re not a bat in a market, but…
Zoonotic disease?! Sure, I never knew that term pre-pandemic, but in these times, I know it well enough to know that I don’t want to be Patient Zero.
Takeaway 4: Maybe just not so often?
Unless you have open wounds (pimples, razor burn count?) and a weakened immune system, the risk for something serious is not so high, according to a few expert opinions I read. Maybe I’ll just limit our kissing frequency. Limit the risk – I’ve been practicing that.
Takeaway 5: Get on acid.
It’s been reported, although research is slim, that perhaps canine saliva doesn’t survive in the lower-pH, more acidic environment of the human mouth. Maybe I just have an extra cup of coffee or OJ?
Takeaway 6: Monogamy’s the way.
My vet gets unprompted licks to the face all the time – and she sees hundreds of dogs a week. At least I’m monogamous. Surely I’ve built up an immunity to one dog’s bacterial batch.
Net-Net: What am I talking about – like I was ever going to stop? Listening to the experts – out. Makeouts, PDA, baby-talk – in. Definitely in.
Stay tuned for our next “How Gross Is It Really….” highly scientific research adventure. Have an idea for us to explore? Send it to us at whatthepup@spotandtango.com
