In Part 1, we discussed four tactics (1. Guilt and Shaming, 2. Blackmail, 3. Bargaining/Bribery and 4. Reverse Bargaining) when your Reluctant Partner is too lazy to walk, feed, or groom the dog. Now that you’re armed for battle, here’s how to use these tactics in a variety of everyday pet parenting scenarios.
Walking the dog
Few things are drearier than dog-walking in a heavy rain (and you get bonus karma points for thunderstorms). When it’s time to ask for help, I suggest starting with a bit of Bargaining/Bribery, such as “If you’ll walk Frida and Diego today, I’ll be glad to do the laundry.” Just don’t offer to paint the garage or reupholster the sofa.
If this doesn’t work, then it’s time to bring out the big guns. The “Remember when I sacrificed my time/hard-earned money for your sake?” strategy (No. 4, Reverse Bargaining) should suffice here, especially if you make up something really good. To close the deal, hand over the leash before your partner can escape.
Bonus tip: Google “losing weight by walking” and share the results with your Reluctant Partner. Then, suggest that the dog isn’t the only one who could benefit from some exercise.
Doggie Dinnertime: How to get your Reluctant Partner to feed the dog
This is the easiest of all pet parenting tasks, because all it involves is getting up from the sofa, opening the bag of UnKibble, scooping it into a bowl and putting it on the floor. If feeding kids was this easy, parents would finally have time to catch up with Netflix.
Unfortunately, Doggie Dinner Time always seems to come at the exact moment when the Reluctant Partner is a) hitting the shower, b) turning on the TV to watch something they’ve “been looking forward to all year” or c) having a belated nervous breakdown over utility rates that were raised eight months ago.
You can avoid this dodge by timing pet meals well before the Reluctant Partner engages in projects like paying bills or bathing. As for the TV ruse, a few hours before dinner, throw out a casual “Any good shows on TV tonight?” If the response is yes, find out what time they’re on, and schedule Doggie Dinnertime a good 45 minutes before the main event. This gives the Reluctant Partner half an hour to complain, five minutes for the actual feeding and ten minutes to get a beer before the show.
If the answer is no, then later on when the Reluctant Partner uses the big game as an excuse, you can tell them they just got busted while you hand over the UnKibble scoop.
Handing over the hairbrush when you’re tired of doing all the grooming
If the Reluctant Partner claims that doggie hairstyling isn’t their job, you can get back at them with a good dose of Blackmail (No. 2). If you’re afraid of retaliation, however (and in this case, you probably should be), try No. 1, Guilt and Shaming (via photos). To drive your point home, pose Frida or Diego with their grooming brush, and aim for the saddest expression you can get (use plenty of Yam Yums here).
To go for the gold, create memes from the photos, with messages like “Why Won’t You Brush Me?” and “Please Bathe Me” and send them to the Reluctant Partner’s Facebook page. If your partner’s Facebook friends see those melting puppy photos and start asking questions, so much the better.
Before resorting to any of these strategies, however, consider sitting down and having a heart-to-heart with your Reluctant Partner; but be sure to involve the dogs. Haul little Frida or Diego onto your lap or sofa (where they’re well within petting range), and explain why you need a bit of help in the pet parenting department.
And just remember: Pets are irreplaceable; but when it comes to a Reluctant Partner who doesn’t mend their ways, you can always upgrade to a better model.
