Most people don’t get into a serious relationship where you adopt a dog, with plans of breaking up. However, not all relationships last forever, and if you and your partner find yourselves going your separate ways, one of the hardest things to figure out might be custody arrangements for your family dog.
Open communication
Try to have open conversations early while your relationship is going well about what you would do regarding any pets in the event you and your partner were to decide to separate. Have honest conversations about who would get custody of the dog and why that is best for your dog. For example, some couples who bring pets into a relationship have standing agreements that if they were to break up, the pets would go with whoever brought them into the family. When pets are adopted jointly, things can get trickier to navigate.
If you want to co-parent with shared custody, discuss realistically what that might look like and how you would like to be involved in your dog’s life if you and your current partner were no longer together. This isn’t about setting your relationship up for failure; instead, it’s about being proactive with your dog’s best interests in mind, so if your relationship hits a rough patch, you have some groundwork laid for your dog’s care.
Custody arrangements
The best custody arrangements will be specific to whatever works best for each dog and former couple. Some people, when splitting up, prefer for the dog to live with one person, while others will try to mirror the kind of shared custody arrangements people do with children and have the dog go back and forth between two homes regularly.
Another option is to have the dog live with one person most of the time, and the ex/co-parent might be available as a dog sitter when the primary parent needs to travel. For couples with multiple dogs, some choose to split up family dogs who may have struggled to get along with each other, whereas for dogs that are very bonded, you may want to focus on keeping dogs together. Whatever custody arrangement you decide on should work well for all dogs and all people involved.
Put your dog’s needs first
Breakups are painful for everyone, and unfortunately, sometimes that can lead to people using their dogs as a pawn to get back at their recent ex. Not only is this unkind to your ex, but it can also create situations where your dog’s needs aren’t met. Even if you and your ex don’t like each other, try to remain civil when discussing the dog. The goal in discussing custody arrangements and co-parenting should always be figuring out what is best for your dog and what will most benefit their quality of life.
Dogs are property
If you and your partner are separating or divorcing, you may have attorneys involved. Unfortunately, most jurisdictions view dogs as property under the law. While you might see your dog as your child, in most cases legally, they won’t be seen as different from a couch or television when it comes to dividing property. If you and your ex can agree on co-parenting and custody plans amicably, that will be the best and easiest to manage moving forward.
Co-parenting
When developing co-parenting plans for your dog, try to make agreements with your ex that make sense and are sustainable. For some dogs, spending one week with one parent and the next week with their other parent works well. For other dogs, that would be stressful. If you and your ex are going to be co-parenting, try to have open communication about all aspects of your dog’s life. For example, if your dog goes to daycare or stays with a dog sitter, you and your ex should agree on that caretaker or facility. It’s also ok to try to co-parent with shared custody and discover if the arrangement does work for you or your dog.
Logistics
As part of co-parenting, you and your ex should agree on all the logistics regarding the care of your dog. If your dog is going back and forth, where will handoffs take place? Is there flexibility to your custody plan if one of you needs to travel or has a busy week at work? The specifics of how you negotiate custody will be dependent upon how well you and your ex communicate and your family situations.
Another aspect of logistics to agree on is how you will address costs. Does each person pay for food and supplies at their house? You’ll need to reach an agreement on who pays for vet bills, medication, grooming, as well as flea and tick prevention. Consider if costs will be split evenly or if another arrangement makes the most sense.
Another topic to discuss is how you will make decisions about treatment plans if your dog were to get diagnosed with a serious condition in the future. Try to reach an agreement on these issues when emotions are calm before you are in a veterinary emergency, always centering on what is best for your dog. You should also ensure that both parents are listed as owners on registration and your dog’s vet records.
Get support
If you and your partner are breaking up, or if you and your ex are trying to navigate shared custody, it’s helpful to get support. You can bring through a counselor or moderator to support you and your ex with communicating and teaching mutually agreeable decisions regarding the care of your dog. It can also be helpful to get support from a dog trainer. Unlike a child who can sit down in the age-appropriate way that their parents are splitting up, your dog doesn’t have any ability to understand what divorce means.
A dog trainer can help you create new schedules and routines to help your dog adjust to changes in the home and (if you’ll be co-parenting) living in two homes and troubleshoot any behavior issues that might come up as your dog gets used to their new routines.
