Is Your Spouse As Lazy As Mine? I recently spoke to a friend whose marriage was enhanced last year by the addition of a bright-eyed, rambunctious golden retriever puppy — the perfect dog in a world full of perfect dogs. When my friend spoke of Solomon (the dog, aka “Solly”), she spoke with the unbounded enthusiasm she usually reserves for her husband. But when the conversation came around to him, her tone turned to seething resentment.
“He won’t walk Solly,” she snapped. “He always says he’ll do it later, and there’s poor Sol drooling with his leash in his mouth, whimpering by the door.”
“Have you talked to him about it?” I asked.
“Nearly every day for the past six months,” she muttered resentfully. “He’s either too tired, or he’s watching the game, or he tells me he did it last time. ‘Last time’ was eight months ago on my birthday; I know because when he offered to do it, I was so surprised I wrote it down in my calendar.”
Just how do you deal with a Reluctant Partner who prefers napping or watching football to walking the dog or even taking little Frida or Diego to the dog park?
Subtle ways to get your partner on board with pet parenting
The good news is that there are lots of ways you can persuade, bribe or blackmail your partner into taking equal turns with feeding, grooming and walking the dog. If you’re not afraid of hitting a little below the belt, here are four tactics you can use when your Reluctant Partner drops the ball — or leash — in their pet parenting duties.
1. Guilt and Shaming
Take and print a bunch of adorable photos of your dog looking straight at the camera. Holding up a handful of Chicken Munchies will help you achieve that “sweet-eyed puppy” expression.
Underneath each photo, write cringe-worthy, guilt-inducing messages like: “Don’t you love me? I love you!” and “Please walk me!” Leave the photos in strategic places such as the Reluctant Partner’s pillow, briefcase or lunchbox — any place where they’ll see it in an unguarded moment.
Yes, it’s a lowdown tactic; but one cute doggie pic is worth a thousand words.
2. Blackmail
Is your memory better than your partner’s? If so, here’s how you can use those superior memory cells to shame your partner into action:
“Honey, remember when you binge-played ‘Animal Crossing New Leaf’ at work and you missed a company meeting and almost got fired? It’s such a great story — why don’t I share it on Twitter?”
“Sweetie, I’ve still got that karaoke video of you after you lost all that weight, and you were singing and dancing to ‘Eat It’ and your pants fell down. Remember how everyone laughed at your Beavis and Butt-Head boxers? That reminds me, I need to update my Instagram page…”
Unfortunately, this strategy can backfire, especially if you’ve got a checkered past yourself, so be careful. Otherwise, the two of you might end up spending the night blocking each other on all your social media accounts.
3. Bargaining/Bribery
Bargaining can go a long way, as long as it doesn’t cost too much. You can start by offering to split chores like washing dishes or taking out the trash.
However, do NOT get entangled in an unfair trade. Walking the dog is vastly preferable to cleaning the gutters, mowing the lawn or doing the family taxes.
4. Reverse Bargaining
This falls under the category of “Remember when I rushed you to the ER in five o’clock traffic because you sprained your ankle playing football?” or “Remember when I made your favorite dinner for your birthday, even though it was inventory week and I was working 12-hour days?”
If nothing particular comes to mind, then make something up and lay it on thick. This will make the Reluctant Partner feel like a real heel for not remembering your monumental sacrifice.
When it comes to little Frida and Diego, no tactic is too lowdown and dirty to use on a Reluctant Partner who tries to avoid doggie duty. And in Part 2, I’ll give you a variety of nefarious ways you can use these tactics to really rub it in and achieve success.
